you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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