The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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