my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
