Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
