You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
