That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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