I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
