I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
