I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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