bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
