just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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