We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
