He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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