She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
