ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
