some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
