how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I would ride that face into the sunset
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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