i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
