I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
