Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
