Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
