I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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