if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
