i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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