could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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