Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
