Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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