Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
