I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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