I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
