ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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