i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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