Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The Olympian is in my bed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
