Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you had me at cake vodka
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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