Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
