just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
