that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
