i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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