i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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