11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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