We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
