My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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