I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
