Got a toothbrush?
You really coming over, don't trick.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
