yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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