like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
