I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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