I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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