Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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