how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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