I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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