Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
